fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
