it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
