i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
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Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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