He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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