I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
