It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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