i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
