I'm going to jail i love you
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
