I look better un-naked...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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