Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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