I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
