Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
