R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
