my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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