everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
only if we run a train.
done.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
