During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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