I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
