sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
