Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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