Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
