Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
