Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
