I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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