I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
