Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she peed on how many people?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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