I wannas sexs uuuuu
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
