i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
