youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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