I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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