I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
