Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
