My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
