I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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