Barsexuality is the new black.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
