I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
