i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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