In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
