I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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