i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
