I just gift wrapped bread.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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