Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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