I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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