when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
