I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My vagina just recognized that song.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
