dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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