is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
