dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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