Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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