nut hugger
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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