yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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