Got a toothbrush?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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