i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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