Where is the hickey?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
