Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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