you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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