dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
