I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
