Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
