what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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