I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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