my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
