oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
the raccoons are back...
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