Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Bring me that man meat
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Drunk is not a location!
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