This girl is more easily done than said...
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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