So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
