I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
